Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Comfort dream

The operation was horrendous although it was fast. Went to the OT at 3.15pm and was sent back to the ward at 5.30pm



They set up a plug on my wrist, injected some anesthesia and I/V drip and I was staring at the operating lamp(or what do you call it) while waiting for the drug to take effect. Think I fell asleep in less than 3 seconds. When I woke up, I was in the recovery bed waiting for them to push me back to the ward which already 5+ in the evening. The nurses were calling "Maybeline Maybeline".

I thought I was going to die. Felt so weak and helpless. The first thing that came to my mind was Adel. Was she like this when she was in the ambulance as well? I couldn't breath. My respiration was 5 breath/min and next min, I was panting. Doc came, checked my lungs and gave me inhaler. The feeling was awful. Painful wound, breathless, irritating i/v drip and all.

Supposed to be discharged later but I insisted to get out of the hospital earlier. Damn giddy and a little nausea. But I don't wanna stay in the hospital, on the cold bed. Accompanied B for dinner and he sent me home.

The dirty me took my medications and went to bed right away without bathing. Too weak.

50 tablets of painkillers
14 tablets of antibiotics.
etc
etc
etc

Adel visited me in my dream. She told me to get some stuffs for her on her 100 days. "emotional and physical pain are temporary. You will recover soon. Im always around, but you can't see me" she told me this and she disappeared. Is this dream real? Or did I dream of her because I felt weak and drained?

Emotional pain = Marvin
Physical pain = Operation

They are both past tense now. Like she said, I will recover.

& when the music plays, he's my dancer.