Friday, April 20, 2012

Reflection

I only watch taiwanese drama once in a blue moon. Recently, I began watching "犀利人妻" because it is airing on channel U everynight.

Can't help feeling sad and cry at almost every part of the show. It is a story about a husband who cheated on the wife with her cousin.

Despite cheating on her, he can still sound so right. And this reminded me of the heavy lesson I got from trusting love too much. From the bastard Marvin, Yu Qiang.

I used to be the girl who would wait for him to return from wherever his heart is, gambling, brothers, etc. Everything's fine so long as he knows how to come 'home'.

I used to be the girl who would do everything I can just to solve his problems, gambling debts, him not getting along well with his sister, problems he face at work, helping him revise for his exams, doing his 'homework' for him.

I used to be the girl who would save up and buy him what he want for his birthday even if it means a big hole on my wallet.

I used to stand by him during his 2years of NSF. ORD and couldn't find job? I accompanied him to different places for job interviews as well as his 3years in MP command.

We used to quarrel over very small matters but still managed to hold on for 5-6years despite all his heavy debts and constant gamblings.

Watching how the girl was treated in the show only reminds me of my misery.

The cousin left him in the end, after he got a divorce from his wife. She couldn't even take the sufferings and share the burden with him. This is what I'm hoping to see in YQ. The Thai girl to help you with your work? To suffer the no $ and jobless days with you? To solve all your problems and debts? I may be mean. But a wake up call is needed.

He used to ask "我那么烂,你为什么还会要我?"

I didn't answer. But after watching the show, I realized, I got it. "我不是看不到,不是听不到。 我不是笨,是选折一次又一次的相信你。"

So sad to say, he lost a girl who would sacrifice for him. Everyone's been saying this. It's hiss loss. His heavy loss.

"If you cheated on someone who was loyal to you, you cheated a part of yourself"
- Maybeline Sim

What's sad for me?
It's not about how much I gave in and got all these shits back.
It's how 2 person who were once so close are now enemies.

But I would say that life has been smooth for me ever since I left him. Even better than I thought would it would be when I thought life is only better is when I'm with him. That was because he used to be my world.

& Thank you for you, bby. Thank you for making me pull myself together, you patience, your understanding, and your love. My family & you are my only world now.

D.H.D.M